Is it okay to have sex before marriage?

[Seeker]

Good Morning Pastor Ray,

May God bless you greatly with wisdom.

As always I have a quick question for you. My question is does God changes his commandments as time goes on? One reason I’m asking this question is because one of Moses commandments to Israel was to present a sacrifice before God every certain time. That changed when Isaiah said that God doesn’t want more sacrifices but a true change (or something similar). Now later in this time we no longer practice the sacrifice of animal, instead we give money as a symbol of sacrifice. Now since times have changed greatly since the time of Moses. Could it be that some rules have changed just a little bit to adjust to this new time as long as they are morally ok? Would it be ok to have sex before marriage if the couple is going to get married soon? Officially they are committed to each other?

I hope you understand where I’m coming from.

[SERay]

Broad spectrum response...

I realize when one surveys the difference of the Old Testament from the New Testament, there seems to be a change of how the Creator deals with mankind. This seemingly difference has been an issue since the early church. Marcion of Sinope was a wealthy ship-owner with far too much time on his hands. Without proper guidance, he intellectually read the scriptures and decided there were two Gods. He proceeded to write his own version of the scriptures. He described one God of wrath in the Old Testament and one of Grace in the New Testament. The Gnostic teachings of that day were also dualistic, with an upside-down view regarding the polarity of evil verses good. It wasn't until 324 BCE, when The First Council of Nicaea decided what doctrine was considered valid, and this council rejected duality of God as a heresy.

The Church Father's were correct to silence those who departed from the sacred revelation of God's nature. Yahweh in the Old Testament is the same God in the New Testament. The only difference is, in the New Testament, God entered the world of humanity through the immaculate birth. Truth incarnate or the "Son of God" took upon Himself a body of flesh, God's action of reconciling us back to Him with the ultimate sacrifice, His Son. A common theme throughout scripture despite the time frame, is the underlying theme of reconciliation.

The old covenant of animal sacrifices, or innocent blood for guilty blood, pointed to the cross. The Creator allowed animal sacrifice to act as an acceptable substitute until the Lord's finished work on the cross. Many of early books, especially Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers, deal with animal sacrifice. Daily and annually, especially Passover Lamb (commemorated deliverance from Egypt), Day of Atonement, peace offerings, burnt offerings, sin and trespass offerings. These special occasions taught people the sinfulness of their sin, the holiness of God, the costliness of being right with God. Animals were substituted for the sinner. Blood demonstrated its life poured out in death, which was the punishment. Epistle to the Hebrews in the New Testament stresses these sacrifices pointed forward to one final sacrifice made on the cross. Jesus was the true lamb of God. If Old Testament is the lock, the New Testament is the key.

Regarding your comment "Now later in this time we no longer practice the sacrifice of animal, instead we give money as a symbol of sacrifice." Actually, Christ replaced animal sacrifices. The idea of giving a portion of our income to the work of the Kingdom has multiple values, but they are not related to animal sacrifices. The giving of our resources is first about honoring God with a percentage of that He has given us. He instilled within us our souls, our skills, our minds, and the gift of life. To support his beloved work is only a small token of our appreciation, a type of worship. Also, releasing God's blessing from ourselves to others not only increases our abundance, but also hones away at the greedy nature we have to serve only ourselves. You can't be a greedy miser and tithe too

It is true, there are prominent teachers today who promote “grace” over obedience, who are unaware that the New Testament was written for those whom God calls to assume roles of holiness in His kingdom. These religionists claim that God’s law was abolished by Jesus Christ’s sacrifice. They teach that mankind is no longer burdened by the stringent requirements of that “harsh law” that stands in their way of freedom—of “having a good time.” Part of the problem is they do not know the difference between the Levitical sacrificial rituals, the law of Moses and the law of God.

The Ten Commandments were never part of the law of Moses or the Levitical sacrificial system. The civil laws and sacrifices were based on God’s Commandments, which make up the core of God’s laws. Thus, the Ten Commandments precede and transcend every lesser law based upon them—statutes, judgments, precepts and ordinances. Many Christians incorrectly label the Ten Commandments as the “Old Covenant.” However, the Old Covenant was based on the Ten Commandments, which preceded and transcended the Old Covenant.

Even before the New Testament was completed, ungodly men had crept into the Church in an attempt to corrupt it by turning grace into lasciviousness. Lasciviousness means “license to sin.” It could also be defined as “unrestrained liberty” or “abuse of privilege.” In essence, this meant license to do what seems right in one’s own eyes, according to one’s own conscience. This was precisely the false gospel taught by Simon Magus (Acts 8:9-24), Nicholas of Samaria, Cerinthus and other “founders” of counterfeit Christianity.

Finally, your comment about adjustments to morality. Again, God does not change. For example, "Do not commit adultery" means just that, do not have intimate relations with a married person, whereas this is a sin that leads unto death. This applies across time to every person ever to live. Even if one lives in a remote jungle, these tribes found by missionaries already knew to honor another person's mate, because the code of the Ten Commandments are already etched in our hearts apart from the written law.

To address your last thoughts. The reason two people should wait for physical consummation before marriage is that the wedding ceremony is a seal of public profession that consummates the union in a sacred manner. Baptism is much the same, it isn't the action that sanctifies the profession, but it is the act of obedience that gives testimony to the motives of the heart. Marriage has a spiritual value as well as legal. Any union of two people premature of matrimony will essentially dilute the sacred bond. More couples divorce later, who have premarital relations than those who do not, and there is a reason for this. It is the spiritual attribute of bonding with another that is either kept chaste or compromised.

We need to look to the scriptures to gain spiritual insight: "It is from within, from men's hearts that evil intentions emerge: fornication, theft, murder, adultery, avarice, malice... All these evil things come from within and make a man unclean" (Mk 7:21-23; also see Mt 15:19,20). Paul adds, "...you can be quite certain that no one who actually indulges in fornication or impurity or promiscuity ...can inherit the kingdom of God" (Eph 5:3-7; also Gal 5:19-21). The meaning of fornication is any voluntary sexual intercourse with an unmarried person with another unmarried person of the opposite sex, regardless of relationship.

Drawing from scripture as our guide, we may conclude, any voluntary sexual advance or act outside of a normal marital union of husband and wife is an willful act of sin. This would include fornication, extramarital foreplay, adultery, homosexual acts, and even lustful thoughts (Matthew 5:28). To our oversexed world this may seem outrageous but Christ's teachings have always been a stumbling block to the world. The possible solution is, if you can't wait, get married quickly. However, our base urges should not dictate our choice of mate. These are delicate matters that should be approached carefully and with wise counsel.

[Charlie]

Been there, done that.

Not able to elaborate on this thread on a deeply theological basis, as I see the moderator was quite able to do, but rather from personal experiance. I was a person who did have premarital sex. Thankfully, I am still with and married to that person. I would have to agree and feel convicted to tell anyone who asked that it would be better to be commited in a relationship in marriage before God, before having sex. I believe that God created sex as a way to "Become One" with your partner.

Let's look at it this way: God gives us this guidance to not commit adultery, fornication, and other acts to protect us. I know many people who have had many "sex partners" who deeply regret it. And if they say they don't, you can be sure of the unbelievable emotional detachment and baggage the carry around with them every day. We were created to be with one other person, not to frolic about like animals. So I would say that if you are burning with lust, it is better to find that person you are willing to commit your LIFE to, for the rest of your life before God and others and uh....fulfill your marital duties

Lest us not forget the purpose of sex, that being to draw ourselves closer to our partner and to "know them" as well as to bring forth children. These are big responsibilities, and to be sure, being in a commited relationship certainly helps here.

Just my opinions. We are all fallen people. I made a huge mistake and gave into temptation (several, several times....) which I do regret. I did not have that perfect virgin wedding night. As I recall, that night was actually VERY awkward, more so than if we had been virgins. It was several years before my wife and I could have sex, enjoy it and feel as if we were no longer sinning against God, we carried that guilt for some time.

my two cents, hope you can make it!